don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
