If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Swine flu is the new snow day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
