I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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