I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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