I'm eating all of the evidence.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
