you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
