Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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