you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
