Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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