i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
