sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
