Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
