I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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