man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
