Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
