She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
