When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
