I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
