I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
