I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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