I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize