So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
