I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So much rum. So many feels.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
