I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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