She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize