i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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