My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
