Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
