I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
