and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
