if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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