He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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