You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize