And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
