I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize