11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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