someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
