i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
