I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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