his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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