You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
