38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
