Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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