my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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