he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
