No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
