i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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