are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
