Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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