there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
