Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
whose parrot is this?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
