I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
