i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
