He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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