Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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