So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
