GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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