i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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