And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
