Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ok first of all what the fuck
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
