Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
