Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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