You made me cry and you don't even care
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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