I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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