I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
