Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize