you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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